I'm not so sure I'm ready to write this....but let me try.
Life as we know it has forever changed. Madison is away at college. I still can't believe how fast the last 18 years has gone by. I don't want to get used to this change. I don't like it but I love it. I'm so proud of her....gah here come the tears already. I know she will have a great time, especially since she's on the cheer team. But each and every day as I leave work, I struggle with the fact that she won't be there when I get home. Time and time again she has reminded me that she isn't dying. What she doesn't understand is a part of me did on Monday night, the night we left her in her dorm room. It has been our job to protect her for the last 18 1/2 years and now she has to do it on her own. I have no doubt that she can do this. I'm just a worrier. Last night I finally got a chance to do laundry. In the dryer were some of her clothes (tears) in the car on the way to work, one of her favorite songs came on the radio (tears) in the grocery store last night, shopping for food, realizing I don't need to buy as much as I normally do because she isn't home to eat it (tears). Do you see where I'm going with this? I am a mess. I am SO proud of her though. Having her at 19 changed my life in so many ways. I didn't get to experience what she is experiencing right now. Which is totally fine! I wouldn't change it for the world. But because I didn't get to do it, I want SO much for her. She can do it, she will do it and she will excel. While she's doing that, I will have my own pity parties. Because I miss her so much. Life will go on. Emma-Leigh will keep us busy! And football games at the Rock will be so.much.fun. But right now, I'm sad. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I'm very thankful that she and Bayley are on this adventure together. That's the only thing that eases my heart and mind.
