Be more real.

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling thru Facebook this morning and - like every time I do this - I say to myself - why do people have to be so fake? Life isn't easy. Ya'll can't be THAT much in love. No one cares, blah blah blah. Aren't we all just trying to make it through the day? I'm just looking forward to going to sleep tonight, not even kidding. Just get me through the day. Just get my kids home safely. Who has time for all this crap anyway? But still I sit, scrolling, scrolling.

I think it's important to remember that we're all going through something. Sure, we want to share the perfect things in our lives instead of the bad. But get deeper. Be more real. Or just stop.

Hug someone today. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru line (it feels SO good to do that) keep in mind that we're all just trying to survive.

I type this while my husband is in Copenhagen looking at castles....and I'm mad about it. Because for the last 12 days I haven't slept at all. I'm tired, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, I'm super paranoid that something will happen to one of us while he's gone and then what?

Like I said, just trying to make it to bedtime tonight.

The ugly truth.......Or is it?

This is going to be nasty.
If you are easily offended, stop reading. I mean it.

Most people are not as honest as I am. I'm brutally honest. It's an acquired trait. I haven't always been this way, much to your dismay I am sure.

Have you ever been told something about someone and inadvertently let that information change the way you view that person? Not the person that told you, but the person they're telling you about.

Or maybe it's changed the way you think about the person that told you that information. But that isn't normally the case even though it totally should be.

Most of what you hear isn't true. Didn't your mom teach you that?

So before you go judging other people based on what you heard happened, go to the source. Or ignore the person that told you. Because chances are, that person told other people crap about you too.

Dealing with Loss

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/citizen-times/obituary.aspx?n=lois-angel&pid=175551179&fhid=26857


The funeral is today. Another funeral. Another grandmother. My dad is in a million pieces. We are all so very sad but his heart is shattered, as any of ours would be if we lost our mom. I don't even know how I would go on if  I were to lose one of my parents. People do it every day, somehow they get the strength they need and he will too, eventually.

Let's kick the dust up

On my mind today -

Marriage Equality.
   It's been quite the discussion this week. Everyone wanting to put in their 2 cents on what's right and what's wrong. What the Bible says, yada yada yada. Here's the thing:  leave people alone. If you are not at all effected by their choices (which you definitely should not be) STAY OUT OF IT. Let those people decide what is right for THEM and YOU decide what is right for YOU. I've decided that until a person is actually caught, for lack of a better word, doing something that is "wrong" then they'll have a very strong opinion  about what is right and what is wrong. Because I guess they think they're perfect....
Dig deep for a minute. Think. Openly. Have you always done the "right" thing? Have you broken one of the 10 Commandments? It's no secret that I have, and guess what that did? Changed my life. No one knows what a person is dealing with inside their soul. Until you walk in their shoes, get off your high horse. They'll be "judged" later, if that's what happens (WE REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN, YA'LL) and you have absolutely NO say in the matter. You don't count. So instead of worrying about who is marrying who, focus on yourself, keep an open mind, what counts is that people are happy living the life that THEY chose for THEMSELVES. You make choices about your own life.   And I'm a Christian, by the way, and believe in the Bible. (Just in case anyone decides to go there.)

Side note:  People will always have something to say about what you do with your life. who cares? I am most certain someone has thought of me as less of a person for what I did. But here's a little secret for you: I don't care. I'm the person I am today because of the junk I did. Not proud of it but I am SO proud of where I am today  :)

Moving on......

4th of July weekend.
     I can't freaking wait. Days at the lake with my family are some of the best memories ever made.

Confederate flag thoughts

Random thoughts about the removal of the confederate flag.

I don't know enough about politics to back myself up. So rarely do I ever think too much about it. Nor do I have a confederate flag. However, I feel like it all boils down to how people are raised. Why does one race get grouped together and all get accused of being the same? We aren't the same. We're all totally different. Don't go after one group, whether it's Caucasians, Hispanics, African Americans, Asians, etc. because of what ONE person in that group did.

 I find it offensive. 

It isn't fair to be judged as a whole, not in this case.

Monday

I swear we need a day in between Sunday and Monday.

Damion comes home tomorrow night. I'm ready. It's been a long 5 days. Here's where he's been....rough life, I tell ya. He did the plans for this house; obviously didn't build it because it's in Canada.

this is seriously the front yard of the house....

I'm super excited for Memorial Day weekend; can't wait to go to the lake  :)

I watched 50 shades of Grey last night. Don't judge. It was good, although I didn't like the way it ended. Gotta have a cliffhanger though, I suppose there will be 3 movies, just like the books?

Ya'll ever notice how when your "friends" are mad at you they won't like your Facebook or Instagram picture? HOW CHILDISH IS THAT? Who needs FRIENDS like that? What is the point of being "friends"? oh that's right, WE AREN'T. Stop being nosy. It's ridiculous. (I actually see this everywhere, with lots of people. You always know when someone is mad. SO DUMB.)

The voices in my head...

- Wednesday mornings are extremely slow at the office. Gives me way too much time to think.

- I went back and read a few of my first blog entries from 2009...embarrassing. But dang time flies and my kids are big :(

- Damion leaves for Canada in the morning.  Ugh.

- New Kids on the Block, TLC and Nelly are in 3 weeks  :)

- Why don't people ever leave comments on blog posts?

- It annoys me when people give me their phone number and say "828" first. That's a given. If it's anything other than 828, you can tell me.

- I was able to hold a new baby boy yesterday :) I had forgotten what that felt like.

Madison & Cameron David Hodge

- Went for a job interview 2 weeks ago. Although I didn't know it was an interview until I actually got there. Flattering but a little strange. Don't worry, Dr. T knows. But I think I'll stay where I am :)

- I can't wait to go to the lake.

Don't compare yourself.

It's something I always say. "Don't compare yourself to others." But it's something I often do, it's hard not to.  Everyone has a story, what may seem like greener grass to someone on the outside looking in, doesn't mean it always is. Here's my story:

I was working full-time at a doctor's office making about $8 an hour and going to AB-Tech at night.   I opted not to go to UNC-Charlotte because I was in love. With Beau. You see how that turned out. An ugly break up and about 8 months later, I was 19 and pregnant with Damion's baby. I was a good girl, never got in trouble, always told the truth, but here I was 19 and pregnant by someone I barely even had a chance to get to know. Things happen for a reason, I swear they do. I couldn't have been more lucky.

So here we go - 20 and about to have a baby in 3 months. So Damion and I move in to an apartment together, and Madison Paige is born 2 weeks later. I had no clue what I was doing. Luckily my mom and Damion's mom were always there to help. Damion finished college at UNC-A with a mechanical engineering degree,  made nothing lower than a B and worked full-time at Wilsonart, absolutely killing it so that I could stay home with Madison for 3 months. We started building a house and moved in February 1999. We still live there. Back then, it was a big deal to be 22 and 26 years old and building your own home. We were thrilled! We still live there. Not the original plan, of course. Our dream was for Damion to build us a house and move by the time Madison was in high school. Things don't always work out the way you plan.

In 2001, we decided to get married. 14 months later, Emma-Leigh is born. These two are so very different. I can not imagine life without either of them. Looking back, I don't know how we did it. But I'm so very glad we did.

So...back to my point. My girls compare what they have and what they do to what other people have and do all the time. We're all guilty of that. Having a baby so young, I feel like we were behind everyone else in their circle. Other parents are 8-15 years older than us and had their lives all figured out before throwing kids in the middle of it. I wouldn't have it any other way though. My girls don't ever hurt for anything. They wear nice clothes, eat good food, get to do whatever they want and don't need anything. That is what matters.

We all have a story. No one should compare, no one should judge. It may look like someone "has it all" but they don't. Someone in their family is probably sick, either mentally or physically. They may have some family conflict, you just never know what other people are going through.

I'll be 38 when Madison graduates from high school. And 42 when Emma-Leigh graduates. Crazy, huh? Compare that! ;)

Social media and technology

Our kids are ruined. Their generation is ruined. Social media and technology have ruined them. I remember days of playing outside with my friends, riding bikes, shooting basketball, reading outside. You don't see that stuff anymore. Everyone is inside on their phones or iPads, or in front of their computers. They don't even know what it's like to not have their devices. And if the wi-fi were to go out for a minute, ALL HECK BREAKS LOOSE. Trust me, I've seen it. Our router malfunctioned a couple weeks ago and we needed a replacement. My kids had to go a full 24 hours without  wi-fi. You would've thought the world was coming to an end. Somehow, they survived.

Being behind those devices has also made our children more brave. What they say in text messages they would NEVER say to a person's face. They've lost their communication skills and could clearly care less how the message may make someone feel, especially since they don't have to face them in "real" life.

It's quite sad, actually.

I hate having a conversation through text messages, unless it's absolutely imperative. Just pick up the phone and call someone, it'll save you time in the long run. Lord knows there's not enough time in the day for everything anyway.

Village people

What does it mean for a friend to "have your back"?

Conversations with a friend last week reminded me that it "takes a village to raise a child". I realized that I have been kicked out of someone's village, when I was only trying to do what a true friend would do. See, when I think about having "someone's back" that includes watching out for their children too, especially when asked. After all, that's what I would want one of my friends to do. 

Emma-Leigh said to me the other day - "mom, all you ever say is People change, people change" that surprised me because 1) I didn't know she was reading my blog and 2) I hadn't realized that that's all I blog about. I can't help it. People always say that people DON'T change. Well guess what? They DO. It IS possible! That can be either good or bad of course but it does happen. 

I know who's in my village. And I know now that sometimes people don't really mean what they say. So while I may have been "manipulated" in to thinking that I was the bad guy, I know better.

I had your back. 

Tough decisions

One of my favorite therapists always says - give it 3 days. If it's something you want and you aren't sure if you should buy it, or something you need to do and aren't quite sure if you should do it, give it 3 days. If the feeling is still there, then do it. Do not react impulsively, you may regret it. I practice that, most days.

Dealing with all that life throws at us isn't easy. No one is perfect, I sure don't claim to be. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone with my words. I've really tried to focus on my family and keeping all the negativity out, but when it comes to the people I love, it's hard to give it 3 days. 

Prom

It was 21 years ago, but it seems like yesterday. Kim and I were getting ready for our junior prom. I remember it very clearly, Beau drove us in his mom's T-top Camaro, dinner at TK Tripps, and back to my parent's house after prom for an amazing breakfast prepared by my parents. I remember a terrible car wreck on Sweeten Creek Rd that night. Car was on fire, it had just happened and we drove right up on it. Seems like something happens on prom night every year. So not only was I excited for Madison, I was also worried. Their plans were to have dinner at Grove Park, then go to prom and then Ashley's parents drove them all down to the lake. It went off without a hitch. Everyone was safe and they had a great time! My mind was at ease, and I was very thankful they were in good hands.

A few of my favorite pics from the night:

They were so beautiful and handsome! 

Don't get your hopes up.

As an adult, I rarely get excited about anything. I've learned that nothing is real until it actually happens. Plans change, people change their minds, the weather changes, nothing is truly gonna happen until it actually happens. So I don't get excited, because I'll be disappointed when it doesn't go the way I envisioned it. 

I think this came into mind because of Easter yesterday. I used to always get excited around the holidays as a kid. ALWAYS. I don't remember ever being let down. But it's harder as a parent, trying to live up to your children's expectations. You don't want to let them down. You want to give them everything (mostly) that they want and need.

While typing this, I'm trying to thinks of things that I've been excited about that have actually lived up to my expectations. Unfortunately, it's easier to think of the things that haven't.... being off on a weekday to go to the lake or the pool, only to have it rain. Spending the weekend with just my girls, only for them to not be in the mood to do anything, or to make plans with someone else. Looking forward to seeing a movie, only to have it be terrible. Madison cheering on Varsity, but then falling and breaking her arm. Emma-Leigh's cheer team being good enough to get to compete, only to have one girl get hurt and there are no alternates.  Damion going to Switzerland, only for me to decide I'd rather stay at home than do anything with my friends. Not huge things, but you get the idea. I don't get excited about much anymore. Too many factors to screw it up and too many people with raging hormones and strong opinions that could get in the way.

One thing I am excited about? Hootie in Charleston in August. It'll be our 6th year. THAT never fails to disappoint.

And dinner at mom and dad's never fails me. And sleeping in my own bed is always good. And hanging out with family, even if it is just over a meal, makes me happy.

Life doesn't always turn out the way you expect. And if it did, you'd never learn anything.

Random ramblings

- Madison's prom dress and alterations cost more than my wedding gown.

- Visited Clemson University over the weekend (took Madison to a cheer camp) I can totally see us going there more often....

- It's spring break and I have to work. But I don't mind much, it's not warm enough for me yet to do anything else.

- I left the girls with a chore sheet today. All items were completed :)

- I'm doing anything and everything to avoid starting this new workout regimen that Sarah has implemented for the family.

50 shades.

I'm over all the hype on the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.  MOVIE. It's not a pornography, people. GET OVER YOURSELVES!

People are so quick to judge, standing in their glass houses (that's a sin, by the way).

I've read many reviews, Facebook statuses, tweets about this topic. It all boils down to this:  if you're a Christian and you go see the movie, I promise you'll still be a Christian when the movie is over and for anyone to say that Christians shouldn't see the movie - BACK.OFF. Are you perfect? That's like saying if you listen to certain types of songs, read books, have road rage, think bad thoughts about people, (the list goes on) that you aren't a Christian anymore. This is ridiculous.  Everyone sins. Heck, I disobeyed one of the 10 Commandments (I bet you have too) and guess what? I'm still a Christian. Surprising, huh? not really. Go see the movie, or don't. Your choice, and people shouldn't judge you regardless of what you choose.

Hopefully these people that are giving their "opinion" have read the book, because otherwise, what are you going by? It's an actual story and a fairly good one at that. I'm actually not looking forward to seeing it, mainly because I'm afraid it will be a letdown from the book; and there's 3 books people. Get over yourself, be a mature Christian and keep your opinions to yourself.

You're judging (sin).

Numbers.

I have an obsession with numbers. It can be overwhelming at times. Today it is unbearable. I do this thing where I worry about money, obviously. I would love to think that everyone has this problem. If not, don't tell me about it, let me stay in my fantasy world. ..

I add up license plate numbers and house numbers on mailboxes. To get one digit. It's ridiculous. (Don't worry, I've asked for medication. He won't budge.)

Today it's more about day to day operations though, and the fact that in the very near future we will be paying for college for Madison. She's going to college. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be successful in life. We will help her.  We will.

Is there ever really enough? I don't think so. Luckily, we aren't victims of credit card debt and for that I am thankful.

I received a call from a friend this morning that reminded me things could be worse. And to be thankful for all that I have, because it truly is enough.

Life.

I'm better at random ramblings than organized paragraphs. So here we go -

My sister started a blog. It's actually pretty good. I've taught her well I guess. You can read it here. www.makingtheswitchmom.wordpress.com

It's a pulic blog, she's trying to make herself famous. Pump her up, ya'll. Read it. It's real. Maybe I should make mine public, turn this in to a competition of sorts....I'll think about it.

I've decided that I no longer want any hard feelings, malice, anything like that in my world. I don't like to be mad at people, I don't want anyone mad at me, it takes too much energy to keep up with all that and I don't have enough energy for extra stuff. Some may say I forgive too easily. That may be. I just don't want to fight.  I have said this 525,600 times but I can't make anyone like me or hang out with me. You either do or you don't and that is fine. I don't always like to hang out anyway, you're probably doing me a favor! LoL

Damion is home from Switzerland and Austria. He leaves again in 2 weeks. The break is kinda nice, I am sure that he would agree - except for the part about how he only gets one blanket and one pillow in the "hotel" in Switzerland. That part he hates.

Madison texted me this morning to tell me she hates school, she wants everyone to shut up and she wants to go home.   Ditto my firstborn, I feel ya. But things could be much worse, which I told her, in different words of course. She didn't reply.

Tiff and I are going to see New Kids on the Block, TLC and Nelly in Charlotte in June. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! The last concert was one of the best nights of my life, and I think she would agree. We had a good time (with great seats)!

A question I've thought a lot about lately and just been afraid to talk about is this - Can you have more than one best friend? My answer is yes. There are certain people that know your depeest, darkest secrets and there are others that you choose to do things with; go to a movie, shopping or out to dinner. But who do you call when you're distressed, sad or lonely? There should be only one person. Right? Let me know what you think. I'm an open book so anyone can be my "bestie' at any given moment, LoL. I'm working on that ;)

Random thoughts

I've had a lot on my mind lately, with no real outlet  -  or desire to let it out, I guess... so this will be random, flowing thoughts, it probably won't make sense and I do not care.



Finally remembered to bring a different coffee mug to work today. It was the only reminder, and now it's gone.

Damion leaves for Switzerland and then Austria in 2 days, for 10 days.

American Sniper might be the best movie I've ever seen. You could've heard a pin drop in the theater when it was over. No one said a word.

This Is Where I Leave You is the worst movie I've ever seen. Had to make myself watch it.

It's okay to say no. Tell people the truth, they would rather be hurt by that than lied to.

I'm too old for drama, of any kind. Let our children have their own friendships, their own arguments, and remain neutral. It's too messy and deep otherwise.

Words hurt. I try my best to ignore them. I know the truth and that is all that matters.

I miss my sister.

People do, and will, hurt you on purpose. My skin is thickening.

Trust no one.

Memories fade.

I'm getting SO good at Pinterest dinner recipes. I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

Sometimes I wish I had more than one CLOSE friend. Sometimes.

I'm reading more. Watching less TV.

It is true that bad things happen to good people.

It takes life changing moments to change you as a person. As silly as it sounds, Madison's broken arm changed me and of course my grandmother dying had an effect.

Life is too short to be frustrated, sad, and disappointed all the time.

You can't make anybody be your friend. And why would you even want to try?