untitled

Be kind. Everyone is struggling with something. Or whatever that saying is. It's so true. People do a great job of hiding the way they feel when they don't want anyone else to know what's going on. I'm guilty. Sometimes it's hard when everyone around you is happy all the time, seems they have the perfect life. No one's life is perfect but when people are going out to dinner all the time, going out of town, buying new stuff, bragging about it on Facebook...you'd think it was. Most of my "struggle" is about money. It seems there's never enough. and just when you think you might catch a break, something else pops up. Kids are expensive. Especially girls. ESPECIALLY my two! LoL and when it isn't about $, it's other stuff. It's me crawling in my shell, not wanting to be around or talk to anyone. People think I stay busy, I try to. My mom is even at the point where she doesn't ask me to do anything anymore because she thinks I'm doing stuff with my friends. I'm not. If I'm not taking the girls wherever it is they need to be, I'm at home. I like to do stuff with people, I just have to be in the mood - and that includes having the money to do it with. I worry a lot. Especially about money. Especially now. Because since Damion's company went bankrupt, we have nothing to fall back on. We get what we pay for. There's no credit cards. So it scares me. and when it isn't money...it's other stuff. and since I have no other outlet, I'm gonna blog about it. I seriously need a journal with a lock on it, LoL. I don't really want all my business out in the open but the few people that have access to my blog are the special ones, they'd never say a word. At least I hope they wouldn't. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I think I'm a horrible friend. Damion thinks I'm a horrible wife. My kids think I'm a terrible mother...My parents probably think I'm a bad daughter and I might be a bad aunt too, idk. I think I might be a tad bit selfish. Because when I get in these moods, I don't wanna do anything. NOTHING. I can't cook, I'm not motivated to clean so all I wanna do is sit on the couch and watch tv, maybe fold some laundry. I don't want any pity. I know this is normal. I think. But part of my problem, is other people. Let's use Damion as an example....he doesn't talk to me. There's family issues on his side of the family that I am clueless about. He won't talk about it. He won't talk about anything...then he blows up. I'm good at not talking about stuff too. That's when I crawl in my shell. Anyway, I don't really know the point of this blog. I felt like I needed to get some things out before my chest explodes. My life is not that bad, I realize that. But it ain't that good either.