Lucky

Lucky - having or marked by good fortune.

The other day I posted this picture to Instagram with a caption that read - I don't consider myself lucky. Maybe I'm just keeping the bad luck away.

I wanna retract that statement.

I am lucky. Good things don't necessarily happen to me, but neither do bad things. I have been very fortunate that my family is healthy. I have lost one grandfather, two uncles, and one man that was very special to my family. Everyone else is still living. That's kind of rare. And while my relationship with Damion isn't like the ones you read about on Facebook, at least we're together. That's actually saying a lot given the circumstances and the fact that most of Madison & Emma-Leigh's friends have broken families. My parents are still together - and for that I feel very lucky. We may not have a ton of money to do an excess amount of "fun" stuff (like you read about on Facebook) but my girls still have everything they need and want, still get to do most everything they want to do, and for that, they are lucky. And though we all have busy schedules and I barely see any of them, I still have friends. Some pretty good ones. That's lucky. And when I can start out my Monday morning with this smiling face ~

Then we're ALL extremely lucky!

These wheels are turnin'

You can always count on me to blog when I'm in a funk. What does that tell ya? There's a lot on my mind today. For starters, I'm not feeling this concert that my daughter is going to next Friday night. She's so excited. It's her first concert. It's Tyga. In Knoxville. By herself. Well, except for her friend, Emily. I know what can happen at concerts...and I'm not crazy about him. or his lyrics. But I'm letting her go... Also on my mind is the fact that I'm still sitting in this same chair. Day after day, year after year (13) doing the same thing. I love my job, I really do. I like the people I work with, like all the crazy patients (for the most part), but I can't help but wonder what it would be like outside this log cabin. I can do more. I am fully capable. I can get the same flexibility elsewhere. I can get more pay. I can feel more appreciated. But he knows I won't do it. I'm good at it. I know what I'm doing. I'm comfortable. And I hate change. So I'll just sit here and be quiet. I've had quite a bit of time here lately to think. That is never good for me. I've decided that when I try to be a good friend it never really works out. I care too much, do too much. The only person that actually does anything for me are my parents. Which I guess is the way it's supposed to be. When you get older you don't really have many friends anyway. Not sure what I expect of people - too much, obviously.

Princess

We lost Princess yesterday. She was the best dog any person could ever have. She was 11 1/2 years old. And while I'm still sad about it and can't type a whole lot, here's a few pictures of our fun times with her.

I'm posting from the app on my phone....not sure how this is gonna turn out.

Princess was a family member. She followed my dad around everywhere. She was such a good girl. She was never grumpy, never mad, always had a happy demeanor about her. And while my mom fussed at her for getting hair all over the couches, she loved her too. Princess LOVED going to the lake with us. She had even mastered climbing up the ladder of the boat, out of the water. She was so smart. I'll never forget the birthday party Madison gave her. We had a cake made, invited all Madison's friends that had dogs and gave all the guests doggie treats as party favors. Even though she was mom and dad's dog, she was the first pet Madison ever had. She is heartbroken.

After we opened presents yesterday morning, Madison and I went to mom and day's so Madison could be there when dad buried her. That was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. Mom and dad are struggling. I don't think I've ever seen my dad cry that much. It was a very hard moment.

Dad gave Madison her collar and now Princess will forever be with her, watching over her as she sleeps (which is a lot).

We love you, Princess! Rest in peace beautiful.

Not creative enough for a title...

So....I'm in a funk. Seems like every time I get in a funk, I blog. So at least something good comes from it. I feel like I've posted these pictures either on Facebook or Instagram already so, sorry for those that have already seen them. Halloween was different this year. Madison had cheerleading practice :( so neither she or Bayley went trick or treating with us :( We started out at Baabal's for ice cream with EL and Brody!

They had a lot of fun, even without their sisters! EL went to her first concert on November 3rd. Carrie Underwood and Hunter Hayes! VIP passes thanks to her BFF, Riley (her mom's boyfriend works for Kiss Country).

She looks scared to death, right? She said it was "freaky".

EL said Carrie is tiny and SO pretty! The following weekend, EL was able to go to Pinehurst to visit Tiff and her family and to watch Ayla compete in a beauty pageant. I absolutely LOVE this picture of her and Lio.

If this post seems mainly about Emma-Leigh it's because all Madison does anymore is go to cheer practice and sleep. And that girl can sleep, let me tell ya! She was elected captain of the cheer squad again. This time for the basketball season, which really surprised me. I honestly didn't think they would let her do it again. Ashley is captain with her this time. They are both very excited to get to do it together!

Emma-Leigh was also in her school's first play. They did Annie Jr and it was awesome! My girl can sing, and I didn't even know it. Unfortunately, the school signed a contract with the Annie Jr people and we weren't able to take any pictures of them in costume or do any video recording. That was very disappointing. But she did amazing! I was so very proud of her! Here is a picture of she and Riley after the 2nd night (there was a total of 5 showings).

So the reason for my funk? I started thinking last night about how I'm not really a thinker. I don't think deeply, about anything. I am extremely good at blocking things out, just continuing on with my daily routine. Last night I started thinking. Just about things going on in my own life, just life in general, and what the future might hold. Today I'm in the block out, shut down phase so I won't list specifics - but it's got me thinking. And I don't like to think.

untitled

Be kind. Everyone is struggling with something. Or whatever that saying is. It's so true. People do a great job of hiding the way they feel when they don't want anyone else to know what's going on. I'm guilty. Sometimes it's hard when everyone around you is happy all the time, seems they have the perfect life. No one's life is perfect but when people are going out to dinner all the time, going out of town, buying new stuff, bragging about it on Facebook...you'd think it was. Most of my "struggle" is about money. It seems there's never enough. and just when you think you might catch a break, something else pops up. Kids are expensive. Especially girls. ESPECIALLY my two! LoL and when it isn't about $, it's other stuff. It's me crawling in my shell, not wanting to be around or talk to anyone. People think I stay busy, I try to. My mom is even at the point where she doesn't ask me to do anything anymore because she thinks I'm doing stuff with my friends. I'm not. If I'm not taking the girls wherever it is they need to be, I'm at home. I like to do stuff with people, I just have to be in the mood - and that includes having the money to do it with. I worry a lot. Especially about money. Especially now. Because since Damion's company went bankrupt, we have nothing to fall back on. We get what we pay for. There's no credit cards. So it scares me. and when it isn't money...it's other stuff. and since I have no other outlet, I'm gonna blog about it. I seriously need a journal with a lock on it, LoL. I don't really want all my business out in the open but the few people that have access to my blog are the special ones, they'd never say a word. At least I hope they wouldn't. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I think I'm a horrible friend. Damion thinks I'm a horrible wife. My kids think I'm a terrible mother...My parents probably think I'm a bad daughter and I might be a bad aunt too, idk. I think I might be a tad bit selfish. Because when I get in these moods, I don't wanna do anything. NOTHING. I can't cook, I'm not motivated to clean so all I wanna do is sit on the couch and watch tv, maybe fold some laundry. I don't want any pity. I know this is normal. I think. But part of my problem, is other people. Let's use Damion as an example....he doesn't talk to me. There's family issues on his side of the family that I am clueless about. He won't talk about it. He won't talk about anything...then he blows up. I'm good at not talking about stuff too. That's when I crawl in my shell. Anyway, I don't really know the point of this blog. I felt like I needed to get some things out before my chest explodes. My life is not that bad, I realize that. But it ain't that good either.

Out of steam

That didn't take long, did it? Breakfast wasn't served this morning. It was a bagel and yogurt covered pretzels on our way out the door. I'm tired. It's Monday. I'm a tad bit grumpy. I don't even really have a legit reason to be grumpy. It's just petty stuff - I'll make a list.... 1. The kitchen counter was cluttered this morning when I woke up. It wasn't that way when I left it last night... 2. Dirty dishes in the sink. Again, not the way I left it. 3. The laundry never ends. 4. Emma-L's room is a COMPLETE disaster. And she doesn't even care. I start to hyperventilate when I walk in there. 5. I'm tired. 6. I'm tired of having to beat my kids out of bed. That's a good enough start. I truly have no reason to complain. I actually kinda feel better jotting it all down. See? No big deal. I have a few pictures to share since last time I blogged. Just Madison doing what she loves ~

She was "crowned" MVP at Thursday night's game. Which means I was "crowned" MVP mom. Yay! LoL. I had this gigantic corsage to wear. It was lovely. Way to go Madison! Friday night was youth night at the Varsity game. EL got to cheer with the big girls. She loved it.

Did I mention we went to see Hootie & the Blowfish in Charleston last weekend? Yep. Me and Damion, Brett and Sarah, and Sarah's friend Casey and his girlfriend. It was fun. Perfect weather but I didn't get to put my toes in the sand :( Next year we want to take the girls, Riley and maybe Reagan, too. I mentioned it to Madison already, she was like "okay, no." LoL.

It's extremely quiet at work. There's enough going on to keep us busy, but no one is here. And no one has been hired yet. I'm not worried. It's just strange. Labor Day weekend is coming up, yay! We have no plans. Damion mentioned he might go fishing. That's his new thing. See how happy he is? I don't know what the girls and I will do...

Summer is over. School is back in session. Here's the traditional picture

This year was a bit different - we had a couple extra :)

I loved it. We had a great morning and so far, one week later, we are still doing great - everything right on schedule, I've even been fixing something for breakfast every morning :) I hope I don't run out of steam any time soon. Here's a picture of me and Madison driving to her first day of high school....which I didn't cry about, btw.

So to get you caught up on the summer, it'll be a walk through pictures. It's too much to do any other way...

For Madison, summer began with a trip to Maryland for North Bay Camp with her Wyldlife group. She had a great time!

You can tell from her expression in this picture that she was SO happy to be there, with her friends. Because where else would she want to be? EL turned 10 over the summer and chose to have her party at home. Damion made her a slip 'n slide. I was worried how that would turn out, but it was perfect.

Dad took Madison and Emma-Leigh to sliding rock one day. They chose not to go down the rock, said the water was way too cold.

I took a week off work to just hang out with the girls. It rained EVERY.DAY. which is normally awesome for me...just not on my week off work. On the one day it didn't rain, Cindy and I took the kids to a water park. It was fun...until we got rained out.

EL got to go see Titanic with her friend Grace over the summer...at least I think it was summertime then, LoL. I can't keep up!

Madison made the JV cheer squad. Bayley made Varsity. At first it was sad. Madison had a feeling this would happen. She knew Varsity needed a strong base and that Bayley was the one for the job. It still hurt. But she's extremely happy with her team AND she's a captain! Here's a picture from the night Coach Robyn told her.

And here's the JV and Varsity girls -

They're doing big stunts on the squad, Madison is super excited about them. She explains them to me every night after practice. I'm clueless. I have no clue what these jumps and twists and turns are called. I'm proud of her though.

She's changed my life forever ya know. They both have, it just so happens Madison likes to pose for pictures, LoL. Just a small update in regards to work - we've had 4 therapists leave in the last 3 months. It's creepy around here. Today is Millie's last day which is actually kinda sad for me. She's moving to Switzerland. We haven't hired anyone yet and we need 4 new people. I hate change and getting all these new people credentialed with all our insurance panels is gonna suck but nothin' I can do about it. Oh and today is Damion's birthday, he's 39! We don't have anything planned, that's the way he likes it. Hopefully it won't be another 2 months before I blog again. It takes forever and throws a kink in my routine ;)