TEMPORARY life changing moments

I say TEMPORARY because it is. and I KNOW that. But right now it's a big deal and I'm frustrated. 2 weeks ago today (on the first day of school), Madison fell at cheer practice. Broke her humerus, in 2 places. It's only been 14 days. Yes I know it could be worse. Yes I know there are people starving in Africa and it's "only a broken arm". But it isn't. Did I mention it's her right arm? So here's a list of the things she can't do:  take a shower (I bathe my 16 year old daughter daily), do her homework, get dressed, drive, do anything physical outdoors, exercise, carry her book bag, fix her hair, CHEER (because that truly is her life).  Here's a list of the things she can do with one hand: text, eat, read, type (using her face). Here's a list of the things she isn't doing: asking for help. Forget about the physical pain for 2 seconds. This child has waited her whole entire life to cheer for varsity. She didn't even make it to the first game. I know things happen for a reason. I understand all that. But right now, I just want to complain. Somewhere where someone can't tell me it could be worse, try to see the positive side. No. Try telling Madison that.

Hannah

Blogger isn't working on my computer, frustrating. So I'm using my phone. I found out this morning that Emma-Leigh's friend Hannah has lung cancer, 40 tumors in her lungs. This isn't good and I'm devastated. Please pray for her entire family. This isn't on Facebook because it isn't my place to post their information so please also respect that. You may remember me posting about Hannah before, if not see my post from 8/9/10 and 10/11/10, just please include them in your prayers, as if they haven't been thru enough. Breaks my heart.

Lucky

Lucky - having or marked by good fortune.

The other day I posted this picture to Instagram with a caption that read - I don't consider myself lucky. Maybe I'm just keeping the bad luck away.

I wanna retract that statement.

I am lucky. Good things don't necessarily happen to me, but neither do bad things. I have been very fortunate that my family is healthy. I have lost one grandfather, two uncles, and one man that was very special to my family. Everyone else is still living. That's kind of rare. And while my relationship with Damion isn't like the ones you read about on Facebook, at least we're together. That's actually saying a lot given the circumstances and the fact that most of Madison & Emma-Leigh's friends have broken families. My parents are still together - and for that I feel very lucky. We may not have a ton of money to do an excess amount of "fun" stuff (like you read about on Facebook) but my girls still have everything they need and want, still get to do most everything they want to do, and for that, they are lucky. And though we all have busy schedules and I barely see any of them, I still have friends. Some pretty good ones. That's lucky. And when I can start out my Monday morning with this smiling face ~

Then we're ALL extremely lucky!

These wheels are turnin'

You can always count on me to blog when I'm in a funk. What does that tell ya? There's a lot on my mind today. For starters, I'm not feeling this concert that my daughter is going to next Friday night. She's so excited. It's her first concert. It's Tyga. In Knoxville. By herself. Well, except for her friend, Emily. I know what can happen at concerts...and I'm not crazy about him. or his lyrics. But I'm letting her go... Also on my mind is the fact that I'm still sitting in this same chair. Day after day, year after year (13) doing the same thing. I love my job, I really do. I like the people I work with, like all the crazy patients (for the most part), but I can't help but wonder what it would be like outside this log cabin. I can do more. I am fully capable. I can get the same flexibility elsewhere. I can get more pay. I can feel more appreciated. But he knows I won't do it. I'm good at it. I know what I'm doing. I'm comfortable. And I hate change. So I'll just sit here and be quiet. I've had quite a bit of time here lately to think. That is never good for me. I've decided that when I try to be a good friend it never really works out. I care too much, do too much. The only person that actually does anything for me are my parents. Which I guess is the way it's supposed to be. When you get older you don't really have many friends anyway. Not sure what I expect of people - too much, obviously.

Princess

We lost Princess yesterday. She was the best dog any person could ever have. She was 11 1/2 years old. And while I'm still sad about it and can't type a whole lot, here's a few pictures of our fun times with her.

I'm posting from the app on my phone....not sure how this is gonna turn out.

Princess was a family member. She followed my dad around everywhere. She was such a good girl. She was never grumpy, never mad, always had a happy demeanor about her. And while my mom fussed at her for getting hair all over the couches, she loved her too. Princess LOVED going to the lake with us. She had even mastered climbing up the ladder of the boat, out of the water. She was so smart. I'll never forget the birthday party Madison gave her. We had a cake made, invited all Madison's friends that had dogs and gave all the guests doggie treats as party favors. Even though she was mom and dad's dog, she was the first pet Madison ever had. She is heartbroken.

After we opened presents yesterday morning, Madison and I went to mom and day's so Madison could be there when dad buried her. That was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. Mom and dad are struggling. I don't think I've ever seen my dad cry that much. It was a very hard moment.

Dad gave Madison her collar and now Princess will forever be with her, watching over her as she sleeps (which is a lot).

We love you, Princess! Rest in peace beautiful.

Not creative enough for a title...

So....I'm in a funk. Seems like every time I get in a funk, I blog. So at least something good comes from it. I feel like I've posted these pictures either on Facebook or Instagram already so, sorry for those that have already seen them. Halloween was different this year. Madison had cheerleading practice :( so neither she or Bayley went trick or treating with us :( We started out at Baabal's for ice cream with EL and Brody!

They had a lot of fun, even without their sisters! EL went to her first concert on November 3rd. Carrie Underwood and Hunter Hayes! VIP passes thanks to her BFF, Riley (her mom's boyfriend works for Kiss Country).

She looks scared to death, right? She said it was "freaky".

EL said Carrie is tiny and SO pretty! The following weekend, EL was able to go to Pinehurst to visit Tiff and her family and to watch Ayla compete in a beauty pageant. I absolutely LOVE this picture of her and Lio.

If this post seems mainly about Emma-Leigh it's because all Madison does anymore is go to cheer practice and sleep. And that girl can sleep, let me tell ya! She was elected captain of the cheer squad again. This time for the basketball season, which really surprised me. I honestly didn't think they would let her do it again. Ashley is captain with her this time. They are both very excited to get to do it together!

Emma-Leigh was also in her school's first play. They did Annie Jr and it was awesome! My girl can sing, and I didn't even know it. Unfortunately, the school signed a contract with the Annie Jr people and we weren't able to take any pictures of them in costume or do any video recording. That was very disappointing. But she did amazing! I was so very proud of her! Here is a picture of she and Riley after the 2nd night (there was a total of 5 showings).

So the reason for my funk? I started thinking last night about how I'm not really a thinker. I don't think deeply, about anything. I am extremely good at blocking things out, just continuing on with my daily routine. Last night I started thinking. Just about things going on in my own life, just life in general, and what the future might hold. Today I'm in the block out, shut down phase so I won't list specifics - but it's got me thinking. And I don't like to think.

untitled

Be kind. Everyone is struggling with something. Or whatever that saying is. It's so true. People do a great job of hiding the way they feel when they don't want anyone else to know what's going on. I'm guilty. Sometimes it's hard when everyone around you is happy all the time, seems they have the perfect life. No one's life is perfect but when people are going out to dinner all the time, going out of town, buying new stuff, bragging about it on Facebook...you'd think it was. Most of my "struggle" is about money. It seems there's never enough. and just when you think you might catch a break, something else pops up. Kids are expensive. Especially girls. ESPECIALLY my two! LoL and when it isn't about $, it's other stuff. It's me crawling in my shell, not wanting to be around or talk to anyone. People think I stay busy, I try to. My mom is even at the point where she doesn't ask me to do anything anymore because she thinks I'm doing stuff with my friends. I'm not. If I'm not taking the girls wherever it is they need to be, I'm at home. I like to do stuff with people, I just have to be in the mood - and that includes having the money to do it with. I worry a lot. Especially about money. Especially now. Because since Damion's company went bankrupt, we have nothing to fall back on. We get what we pay for. There's no credit cards. So it scares me. and when it isn't money...it's other stuff. and since I have no other outlet, I'm gonna blog about it. I seriously need a journal with a lock on it, LoL. I don't really want all my business out in the open but the few people that have access to my blog are the special ones, they'd never say a word. At least I hope they wouldn't. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I think I'm a horrible friend. Damion thinks I'm a horrible wife. My kids think I'm a terrible mother...My parents probably think I'm a bad daughter and I might be a bad aunt too, idk. I think I might be a tad bit selfish. Because when I get in these moods, I don't wanna do anything. NOTHING. I can't cook, I'm not motivated to clean so all I wanna do is sit on the couch and watch tv, maybe fold some laundry. I don't want any pity. I know this is normal. I think. But part of my problem, is other people. Let's use Damion as an example....he doesn't talk to me. There's family issues on his side of the family that I am clueless about. He won't talk about it. He won't talk about anything...then he blows up. I'm good at not talking about stuff too. That's when I crawl in my shell. Anyway, I don't really know the point of this blog. I felt like I needed to get some things out before my chest explodes. My life is not that bad, I realize that. But it ain't that good either.