Save the drama 🙄

Someone recently made the comment to me about myself and someone else not being friends on Facebook anymore. "I see you and _____ aren't friends on Facebook anymore. I heard what happened with y'all."

I had many thoughts at that moment:

1) Is this really happening? Do people really check to see if other people are still "friends" on social media? (apparently they do) 

2) Who has time to do that?

3) Why do people care?

4) You actually do NOT know what happened, so please do not act like you do. 

5) We are almost 40 (I have 11 more months) why is this drama still happening?

I would really hope that if someone cared that much, they would just ask me! I'm basically an open book and will tell you whatever you'd like to know, truthfully. It just really annoys me that crap like that is still happening, as old as we are. This person also made a comment about me being such good friends with another person....if I've learned anything over the last few years it's that life is too short and it's best to forgive and move on. 

Unfortunately, some things never change.

App State has a piece of my heart.

I'm not so sure I'm ready to write this....but let me try.

Life as we know it has forever changed. Madison is away at college. I still can't believe how fast the last 18 years has gone by. I don't want to get used to this change. I don't like it but I love it. I'm so proud of her....gah here come the tears already. I know she will have a great time, especially since she's on the cheer team. But each and every day as I leave work, I struggle with the fact that she won't be there when I get home. Time and time again she has reminded me that she isn't dying. What she doesn't understand is a part of me did on Monday night, the night we left her in her dorm room. It has been our job to protect her for the last 18 1/2 years and now she has to do it on her own. I have no doubt that she can do this. I'm just a worrier. Last night I finally got a chance to do laundry. In the dryer were some of her clothes (tears) in the car on the way to work, one of her favorite songs came on the radio (tears) in the grocery store last night, shopping for food, realizing I don't need to buy as much as I normally do because she isn't home to eat it (tears). Do you see where I'm going with this? I am a mess. I am SO proud of her though. Having her at 19 changed my life in so many ways. I didn't get to experience what she is experiencing right now. Which is totally fine! I wouldn't change it for the world. But because I didn't get to do it, I want SO much for her. She can do it, she will do it and she will excel. While she's doing that, I will have my own pity parties. Because I miss her so much. Life will go on. Emma-Leigh will keep us busy! And football games at the Rock will be so.much.fun. But right now, I'm sad. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I'm very thankful that she and Bayley are on this adventure together. That's the only thing that eases my heart and mind.     

There they go....

"For all the firsts, there's a hell of a lot of lasts"  - Damion

Today I woke Madison up for school for the last time. I sat there for a few minutes on her bed just watching her sleep, trying to make the most of the moment, trying to cry silently so she wouldn't see me making a mess of myself. These next few days are gonna be tough. The next phase will be exciting for her and for us but life as we've known it for the past 18 years is over. It's killing us. I'm not even sure that Damion will survive...

So here it is - the last day of school picture. And for the first time in....7 years ?  Cindy forgot to take one of Bayley and Brody  :(

So to close out senior year - Madison made straight A's all year (with 3 AP classes), finishing with a 4.75 GPA. She received a $6,000 scholarship and also received the Coaches Award for Cheerleading all while working a part time job at Old Navy. She has worked so hard, we are extremely proud of her. But now comes the hard part. How do we let her go?  This is what we're supposed to do as parents, right? Raise them up right, teach them to be independent, responsible, confident, and then let them go. We aren't ready for that. How do you prepare for something like this? 18 years is just not long enough. Yes the days drag but the years fly by!

Emma-Leigh, on the other hand, is excited to be an "only child" for the next 4 years. Hopefully Damion and I can find the silver lining soon. Keep us in your prayers, we're gonna need them!

Appalachian State cheerleaders!

It still hasn't sunk in. These girls are college cheerleaders!!!! Isn't it funny how things work out? Here we were all stressed out about Clemson (she did get in, by the way but not until January 2017...) and Appalachian was the LAST place she applied to. But now look! Here they are, besties. Cheerleaders! Everything happens for a reason. They worked so hard. The weekend was stressful. Not just for them but for Cindy and I as well. We couldn't thoroughly enjoy our "girl's weekend" without the thought of everything falling apart at the seams. But they did it and I could not be any more proud of them. They start practices on June 13th and will have a very intense summer schedule with an early move-in day. It will kill me but knowing she has this community of people already (her cheer team) I feel a little bit better. She and Bayley plan to room together which I think will be just fine. Like Madison said, they've never had a fight that didn't involve me and Cindy. 😂 she's right but we're all good now😉

Another chapter closes

Madison is finished with high school cheerleading. Done. She doesn't have practice tonight. And while I'm not sure how to handle that, she isn't handling it very well at all. It's all she's done for 13 years. 13 years. And now, it's over. But what a way to go out. Her team won Nationals this past weekend. I could not be more happy for them and Coach Bree. It was a truly rewarding weekend. But now it's over. Now she will come home from school and have nothing to do, nowhere to be. It's only been one day. Luckily tonight, she has to work, so she will be a bit distracted. My heart aches for her.

Not only has cheerleading ended but she and her boyfriend broke up. So that sucks too. 5 weeks before prom.

Keep her in your thoughts, she's gonna struggle for awhile. 

Moving on.

I have a lot to say but not sure how to put it. First, let's catch up.

EL tried out for the VSMS soccer team but didn't make it. She hasn't played soccer since she was 8 years old but I am SUPER PROUD that she tried out. She texted me the day the team was posted and said "Mom, I don't want to stop playing soccer" talk about heart breaking. I signed her up for ABYSA that day. Now I'm a soccer mom....not even sure how to handle that.

Madison has been accepted into the University of Tennessee and is on the waiting list at Clemson. Still no word yet from NC State. Clemson does not allow students that are on the waiting list to try out for cheerleading. So that sucks. She really does not want to go to UT. She is interested in trying out for the cheer team at NC State, IF she gets in or gets put on the waiting list, the plan is for her to try out. We should know more about that in a few weeks. If she does not get in to NC State, the plan is to pay the deposit for UT and cross our fingers and toes that Clemson will accept her come mid-May. So stressful! Did you see the video of her competition this past weekend? SO PROUD OF HER! 2 days before competition the main flyer got hurt and Madison had to step in. She pulled it off (with the support of her amazing team) and they came in first place. Now it's on to nationals in Virginia Beach next weekend. They are such a great team, great friends, coached by an amazing woman who pours her heart and soul into them every single day and it shows!

Damion has a new job. He is now an engineer at Continental. It's a good one. But one that will require him to be in Prague and Germany for the entire month of April. He will miss 2 fishing tournaments that he is SO mad about! But he will also miss prom. Madison is very upset about it. I told her we will FaceTime him but she wants him there for pictures :( The truth is, there is no good time for him to be gone. It is inevitable that he will miss something important no matter when he goes. I'm not sure how I'll make it without him for an entire month. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

So back to that first sentence....I think the best way to react is to not react at all. I think I'm a bit relieved by it all anyway.

Happy Monday ya'll!

Be more real.

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling thru Facebook this morning and - like every time I do this - I say to myself - why do people have to be so fake? Life isn't easy. Ya'll can't be THAT much in love. No one cares, blah blah blah. Aren't we all just trying to make it through the day? I'm just looking forward to going to sleep tonight, not even kidding. Just get me through the day. Just get my kids home safely. Who has time for all this crap anyway? But still I sit, scrolling, scrolling.

I think it's important to remember that we're all going through something. Sure, we want to share the perfect things in our lives instead of the bad. But get deeper. Be more real. Or just stop.

Hug someone today. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru line (it feels SO good to do that) keep in mind that we're all just trying to survive.

I type this while my husband is in Copenhagen looking at castles....and I'm mad about it. Because for the last 12 days I haven't slept at all. I'm tired, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, I'm super paranoid that something will happen to one of us while he's gone and then what?

Like I said, just trying to make it to bedtime tonight.