Bon Jovi - What Do You Got?

This is a sad song. It really makes you stop and think. My life isn't like this though. I don't feel like we have all that frivolous stuff - but one thing is for sure - we do have love. And that's all that is keeping us going. From the outside looking in, things can be very deceiving. Not in my life necessarily, but in other peoples lives. I think my life is an open book - what you see is what you get. I'm struggling here lately with the fact that we are broke. There's just no easy way to say it. Damion keeps going and going and going - with no money. He has people that owe him thousands of dollars. One in particular that he is suing because they refuse to pay. I just don't see how people can sleep at night knowing what they have done. It effects so many people. My husband is a very caring person - he's often been told that he is way too nice to people. He believes that what goes around, comes around. He is a very successful person - and doesn't want to be one of the statistics in this bad economy. He wants to continue his job - keep ALL his employees and still be able to make ends meet. I don't feel like he can anymore. I'm not real sure how he feels. He keeps all that bottled up inside. He's a smart guy - a genius, in fact. He has a minor in math, a degree in engineering - and a pretty smart brain to back all that up. I feel like he can get a job anywhere but after being your own boss for 8+ years, I guess it would be hard to give up. I just want things to turn around for him. He's a good person. He works hard and deserves to be paid for it. He doesn't want to be rich. He just wants for all his employees to be able to provide for their families.

Reagan Elizabeth 10/23/2010

Isn't she a beauty? Yes, I went to the hospital. Yes, I felt bad. Yes, the girls were upset with me. Emma-Leigh cried her eyes out, Madison said I lied to them. I honestly had decided that I was not gonna go. I went round and round inside my head and finally felt okay with my decision. Until I was leaving the mall and instead of making a left to go thru Biltmore, I made a right headed towards the hospital. I just couldn't help it. Hannah was with Emma-Leigh and Ashley was with Madison and I was hoping that would be enough of a distraction. It really wasn't. But anyway, I went and I'm glad I did. I was the first to hold her (other than Brett, Sarah & Riley). I didn't intend for it to be that way. I really didn't even know until mom told me later that night. Oops.

So backtracking to Friday night - Madison had a Wyldlife meeting. Cindy & I took Madison and Bayley and then we headed to Ianucci's with Brody & EL. After that we had to stop at Wal-Mart for a few things and then we headed back home. Madison ended up having Ashley spend the night Friday night so her mom brought her over after Wyldlife was over. Saturday we left the house around 11am and went to pick up Hannah. We went to the mall for a little shopping and then had lunch. The girls had a good time together. After that we went to the hospital :) and then home so Madison and Ashley could get ready for their Birthday party/Halloween costume party for their friends, Emily and Gabby. Here they are as Daisy Duke and a cowgirl.

Aren't they cute? Madison amazes me with her beauty. Someone told me over the weekend that Madison gets more and more glamorous every time she sees her. That made me smile. She has such a natural beauty and she doesn't even realize it. She likes to straighten her hair but when she just leaves it alone, she has a bit of a natural curl, it is just so pretty. I can't believe she'll be 13 in less than a month. Gosh! So the party was from 6:30pm until 10:30pm and Madison decided to spend the night with Ashley so I didn't have to go out and pick them up. It turned out nicely because Hannah spent the night with EL. Which means I had to help with all her night time stuff - bath, lotioning all her burn and donor sights, give her her medicine...I think I was emotionally exhausted by the time I was done. Bless her little heart. I was happy to give her mom a break though. And even more greatful that she trusted me enough for her to stay, ya know?

Sunday Damion worked for a little while in the morning while the girls played. I got caught up on laundry and when Damion got home we went out for a late lunch to Papas & Beer. It was Hannah's first time so it was fun! Her mom came to pick her up around 6pm. They had a great time together! So now we are back to the work week. The girls and I did go visit with Brett,Sarah,Riley & Reagan last night. She's so pretty!!

A family of 3 turns to 4.

alright readers, how many of you remember when your little family of 3 turned to 4? Mom? Tiff? Cindy? Heather? and in just 1 day...Sarah? It's frightening to think about. It rocks your world. Life, for your first born, changed over night. Sarah & I had a conversation this morning that I was beginning to think we would never have. I didn't want to bring it up. I didn't want her to worry more than she already is. But it came up and I tried to talk her thru it (amidst the tears). Not to rehash everything we discussed but it is so hard going from one child to two. I hear it is harder to do that than to go from two to three - I will never know! Bringing EL into this world was hard for me. Not the actual pregnancy or labor - that was easy! The hard part was trying to show this other little girl, who had been all alone with her daddy and I for 4 1/2 years what was about to happen. She was going to have a baby brother or sister (we chose not to know which). I feared I wouldn't love the new baby as much as I loved Madison. And at first, I had a hard time. I didn't feel like I bonded with Emma-Leigh right away - it actually took a while. Every time she fell asleep, I would pray that she would stay asleep for a while and that no one would wake her because when she would wake up all she would do is cry and want to eat. I found out later on that she wasn't getting enough food by being breast fed and at 7 weeks gave her a bottle of formula and she sucked it down. Turns out I was starving her. Quick fix but I had no idea. After that point on, things were easier but I still found it hard to divide up my attention. Madison is very independent, she was then but I think having another child kinda forced her to be even more so. EL is very dependent. She's my baby - what can I say? I am very excited about Reagan coming into this world. I have 2 girls, Tiff has 2 girls, now Brett will have 2 girls! I am excited for Riley because now she will have someone to play with (and fight with) all the time! and Brett & Sarah will have 2 weddings to pay for! LoL.

So yesterday was a teacher work day and since mom had to work, I had to take the day off to hang with the kids. Cindy also had to work so Bayley spent the night with us and she brought Brody over early yesterday morning. We started out our day by going to Madison's orthodontist appointment and then to lunch at Panera with Sarah & Riley (our last lunch before Reagan). After that we went to Old Navy, Ross and Marshalls looking for Halloween Costume stuff for Madison & Bayley - they are going to be Daisy Duke. We went home and hung out for a little while before the girls had to be at Cheer practice for choreography at Rockstar at 2:45. By that point our day was over! Emma-Leigh and Brody played well together. Here they are playing school.


Poor Maggie is still recovering from her day at the spa. She had to have a flea bath on Wednesday and the groomers accidentally got shampoo in her eyes. I feel so bad for her. I may have to break down and take her to the vet.


Tonight Madison has a Wyldlife meeting and she has a birthday party to go to tomorrow night. My calendar is clear :) Hoping to get Hannah and Emma-Leigh together this weekend. Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!! Can't wait to get my hands on Reagan :o)

Time to...idk, complain again?

Monday. Isn't that just enough? I'm tired. EL woke up from having a bad dream and a nose bleed at about 2:30 this morning (she has inherited my nose bleeds for no apparent reason gene). Needless to say, I couldn't go back to sleep. Even though we have a king size bed, it is just not big enough for all 3 of us. This weekend was pretty quiet. It was nice just hanging out at home with the girls. We started out by going to Apollo Flame with Cindy and Bayley Friday night. But before that, Cindy took Madison & Bayley to get pink hair extensions put in their hair for Breast Cancer Awareness. They love them!

Saturday Brandon brought Jennifer & Kaly over. He and Alejandra were going to the race Saturday night and asked if I would keep them. Of course! They had a lot of fun. Madison had been in her room all day watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model so later on she had the girls doing videos/commercials. It was very entertaining. They also did a runway show for me - complete with costume change! I went out and got pizza for dinner - Damion worked until about 8:30pm.

Sunday the girls were up early and outside before 9am. Well, Madison, Jennifer & Kaly were. Madison was still getting her beauty sleep. It was a very lazy day for us. Brandon picked the girls up around 2pm. Eventually we ended up going over to mom and dad's for dinner and Madison & EL got to ride/drive the golf cart around in the dark. Highlight of their day!

Damion wasn't supposed to work all day yesterday. He was only supposed to work until 3pm but then 3 turned into 6:30pm which then turned into 9:00pm. I was so disappointed. We didn't get to see him at all. I had been waiting on him to get home all day so I could go to the grocery store. The girls had no desire to go (and frankly I had no desire to take them) and since Damion pays for groceries I was kinda waiting around on him to get home so he could give me the $. When he called around 9pm and said he was on his way, I informed him that we were out of milk but that if it was okay with him I was just gonna wait until tomorrow to go to the store. Well, it wasn't okay with him. He said (in his anger) that he was just gonna have to stop at the store and get some himself. I was fine with that but when he walked in the door, he didn't have any. So off to Wal-Mart I went. Oh dear God I should not have gone to Wal-Mart after 9pm on a Sunday. It was the last place I wanted to be. I did pretty good though - got everything I needed and headed to check out. Now you guys know I HATE Wal-Mart with a passion but I'm pretty convinced that Ingles is robbing us blind so I endure the pain and go to Wal-Mart. So here I am looking for a check-out line. Out of the 53 lanes they have, 3 are open. Speedy checkout (20 items or less) is always open. So I go down to the far end thinking I'll have a better shot at a shorter line down there. Found a line (not short) so I'm waiting, kinda bored, have already checked my phone, Facebook, all that. Then I'm glancing around and see a lady behind me with one item. So I'm thinking - why in the world is she waiting in this line when 10 speedy checkout lines are open?- but nonetheless, I turn around and mind my own business. Now at this point, all my groceries are on the conveyor belt already. I'm just waiting for the lady in front of me (who has brought her own bags in) to get all her items packed up. Ok, done. Oh wait but now she has coupons. UGH! It is almost 10 o'clock by now. (No offense to the coupons, Ape. You know I admire you.) But the sad thing is, my checkout lady's scanner has died and she is having to enter in the coupons by hand. Double Ugh! But I'm patient. I may have started tapping my foot just a bit but no heavy sighing or anything until this lady behind me (this is where I should tell you that she is a very large lady of African American descent) asks me if she can jump in front of me real quick "I only have one item." I look at her like - are you freakin' kidding me? I have been waiting in this line FOR-EVER and you have ONE item! Why are you not in the speedy checkout???!? That is what I wanted to say. Instead, I looked at her and said "Sure." In the snobbiest way. I couldn't believe myself! I am not the girl that doesn't let a person who has one item in front of me. But really? Why was she in this line in the first place? I was SO SO SO irritated. Granted, it took 1 minute but that. was. not. the. point! Anyway, I made it out of there alive and with as many racial things that are going on in this world here lately, I guess I'm lucky.

Emma-Leigh will stay after school with Ms. Harter today to work on Math. She currently has a C and has to bring it up! I know she can do it.

Follow up to last week - Hannah will not be moving into EL's class tomorrow :*( she is very sad but understands. She is however being switched out of her original class into another one. I hope she likes it! EL can not wait for her return tomorrow!!

Time to complain

No pictures today. So sorry. I'm just feeling the need to complain today. I am just really mad. Nothing has happened really. I'm just mad about my vitiligo. Really mad. There have been 2 new spots slowly developing on the way upper part of my left leg and they still aren't done. How can I tell? They take on a different shape when they are finished spreading and it looks like these are gonna actually join together and be one huge spot. My vitiligo is symmetrical. So whatever is on one side of my body will be on the other side however, the other side has not started to develop. Maybe it won't. Maybe it will. I look hideous in a bathing suit. Like I have leprosy or something. I just wonder why I have it. It is supposedly genetic. I know no one in my family that has it. I hope my girls don't get it. Everyone that knows me says it is hardly even noticeable. They're only trying to make me feel better. It is very noticeable. Especially in the summer. I think that is why I love fall and winter so much. My tan starts to fade and it all blends together. Plus the weather is cooler and you can wear sweaters and long-sleeved shirts. I am at the point in my life where I don't really care what people think but the truth is, it does bother me. Sure, I'm unique but one day I'm gonna look like Casper the Friendly Ghost and be the only one under an umbrella by the pool. Laying out in the sun has always been my favorite thing to do. Now I lather up all my spots with SPF 70 and just pray I don't get burned. Getting sunburned causes it to spread but where I burn may not be where it spreads. Crazy, huh? Every year it is something new. You would think after 18 years I'd be used to it by now but I'm not. I've had vitiligo more than half my life. Unbelievable. What got me to thinking about it was a picture Tiff took while we were at Carowinds. I'll post it now so you can see. (you can click on it to make it bigger)

Around my eyes and my chest...Okay so it doesn't look THAT bad. But you haven't seen me naked. It doesn't bother Damion at all. Probably because he never knew me without it. Anyway, it is out of my control. Things happen for a reason, right? that is what I always say...

On another note, Sarah was 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced 2 days ago. Last night she lost her mucous plug (is that too much information, Sarah?). My point in saying this is Reagan may be on her way sooner than we thought!

I will have my neices and nephew beginning tomorrow afternoon. Brandon and Alejandra are going to the race Saturday night in Charlotte and the kids are going to stay with us. I know the girls (EL especially) will be thrilled to have someone to play with. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

Time to blog

I just need a break. From work. From all things that exhaust me. Currently, I am nibbling on some fruit snacks. Although these aren't just your typical fruit snacks. These are nuggets. And (you like that, I just know it) they are orange flavor. They are just so good! They are these little teeny tiny things that have just a huge amount of flavor to them. Here, I'll take a picture so you get the full effect.

The only place I can find them is Wal-Mart so if you shop there - check them out. In the fruit snack section! I'm also drinking milk - lovely combination. Milk because I just finished a bowl of potato soup. Yum! Okay enough about food... Tomorrow will be a year since my grandfather died. 365 days. Amazing how fast time goes by. I say it all the time but it is so true. Here's a picture of my Nana and Carroll - the last one I have of them together. This was taken at Nana's birthday party back in May so 5 months before he died. Actually, a year and 5 months before he died. I haven't seen Nana in a long time. There for a while we were having dinner with her just about every other week but it didn't last long. We all just get caught up in our day to day lives and there just isn't enough time for everything. I am pretty sure mom talks to her daily. If not every day, at least a couple times a week. It's really sad though. I have only had a handful of people die in my life and I just know it is gonna get worse. It's inevitable. It's life. It's one thing I don't handle very well. Well, there are many things I don't handle very well ;o) funerals are a big one. Anyway...death/dying - no good. Okay so today was hippie day for Madison. She looked so cute this morning. You can tell how excited she was for me to take her picture :) So she made her shirt. Cut the sides and tied them in knots. The picture doesn't even really do it justice. It really was cute. Emma-Leigh had an "Author's Tea" today at her school. She and her friend, Noelle did a "peace song" for the class. Here's how she looked this morning. So their song was to the tune of "Who let the dogs out" only it was "Who let the hippies out" LoL. I took a video of it. Not sure if I am bright enough to get it uploaded on here. I'm gonna try.

While walking to EL's class today I noticed a lovely sign as you are walking into the 3rd grade area that says "Welcome Back, Hannah". Classes were lined up to sign it. I loved it and I know she will too!! There is a teeny tiny chance that Hannah will be moved to Emma-Leigh's class. I don't even really want to mention that on here because I know if I do, it won't happen. So forget you saw/read it! Dinner at mom and dad's tonight! Homemade soup! Yum! I can hardly wait :o)

Time to reflect

So yesterday I had the munchies. And today, they continue. Yes, I started a sentence with And. And I can do that now - because I'm 33. My car took me to McDonald's this morning where the voice inside of me ordered a large caramel frappe (without whipped cream) and a southern fried chicken biscuit (which is better, in my opinion, than a chick-fil-a biscuit if you can imagine that). $6.02. Who spends $6.02 on breakfast? Um, I did. So I'm at the first window where I am waiting to hand the lady my money and I am thinking - oh wow. Another day like yesterday, huh? You just can't stop. Or rather, you did stop. Why didn't you just keep going to work? You are going to be as big as a house! The lady gives me back my change and I pull up to the 2nd window where I am eagerly waiting for my caramel frappe (oh so good). The window opens and the lady says - "Good Morning, Beautiful!" oh now that just did the trick! Nevermind being as big as a house - she thinks I'm beautiful! Whew. . .my guilt just went right out the window! The reason for my $6.02 breakfast is that today I am skipping lunch (although I did bring bread and peanut butter for some peanut butter toast later). I have a conference with Emma-Leigh's teacher at 3:30pm which means I will pick Madison up from cheerleading practice at 5pm and will skip the gym again. I haven't been since Thursday! Then tomorrow Madison has a game so I won't be going to the gym tomorrow either and then what's the point of going one day in a week? Because you all know I don't go on Fridays either. Oh well. It will be nice to be home early for a change.

Emma-Leigh finished her literature extension project last night. It was 9:30pm before she finally finished but the good thing is it is done! It isn't actually due until tomorrow but she turned it in today anyway. Crazy how different my two girls are. If Madison had been given the assignment she would have finished it within 2 days. EL on the other hand, waits until 4 days before it's due and starts to work on it. They are different, that is for sure!

Doesn't she look excited? She was so tired. I felt bad for making her stay up to finish it!

So the reason for my title today is this - I've recently been (as one person calls it) "distant". I received a phone call yesterday afternoon from someone wanting to know what has happened to our friendship. I tried to explain that not one particular thing has actually happened but that I am the one who is distancing myself. I don't even really feel like "distance" is the right word to use but as we all have experienced, it is hard as you get older to keep friends. I don't say that in a bad way but I am not the nurturing type. I don't feel like I give, give, give. I'm more of a taker, haha. No, seriously. I don't call my friends every day - just because we don't hang out doesn't mean we aren't friends. I'm busy enough with my 2 kids to have to worry about making someone feel wanted/needed. Most of my "friends" get that and aren't offended if we don't talk as often. I also tried to point out the fact that our daughters are friends and even they have begun to hang out with other girls. So it is harder for me to hang out with her if our daughters are around because then I feel like I am forcing them to hang out. And we have never had to force them to hang out, so it isn't really like that but it could get to that. It seems that they were just ALWAYS together in the past but now they aren't. And are we only friends because of our girls? That was also one of her questions. Not likely. We do have fun together when we hang out but I will admit I haven't initiated contact here lately. But not intentionally! Mainly because my weeks are crammed pack - everyone's is - so on the weekends I want to chill out at home - do the things that need to be done, clean - I don't like to go go go ALL the time. I am as spontaneous as it gets, don't get me wrong but when I don't have anywhere to be on the weekends - I may not take a shower until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Anyway, I think I may have blogged about this before but I am a friendly person. I want/need to have as many friends as I can get but the truth is, I don't want to be with someone all the time. I like my quiet time. I am not trying to hurt anyone. I would never think to myself - let me see how mad I can make so and so today. Truthfully. And (because I can start a sentence with it if I want to) I am only blogging today in order to feel better and to understand more about myself. Not to stir up gossip. This blog is for me :)