I'm not gonna cry.....

I don't want to talk today. I want to be left alone. I don't wanna cry - but it seems I have no control.

My birthday - day was fine. It started with Hannah bringing me a french vanilla extra extra coffee and a sausage, egg, cheese croissant from Dunkin Donuts. Yum! Then I had lunch with the girls at Tupelo. Cindy gave me a white watch that we've been wanting - it's the watch that Sandra Bullock wore in the movie The Blindside (only its a knockoff), Kim gave me this cute plaque thingy that says "friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you know they're there." (it's sitting on my night stand) and April bought my lunch. When I got back to work, Holly had brought in a bouquet of flowers....that began to drip with ants...and Blake gave me a $25 gift certificate to Applebee's. All that was lovely! When I got off work and headed to pick the girls up, it all went downhill. Mom had invited us over to her house for BLT sandwiches but I wanted to wait until I talked to Damion just in case he had other plans for me. The girls were fighting and I just wanted to scream!! Damion came home around 7 or so and by that time it was too late to go to mom and dad's. So, we had sandwiches and chef boyardee! Not that my birthday should be a big party - I realize as we get older that things don't have the same meaning as they used to. I was disappointed but I also know the stress and worry that Damion is going thru right now so no big deal. On Sunday, mom is taking me shopping for my birthday and on Monday I will have lunch with Vickie (Damion's mom). Today, I will meet Sarah, Riley & Emma-Leigh at Ianucci's for lunch and hopefully tonight Jen and I will go to Elaine's as we've planned. To be honest, I'm not feeling it. We need lots of prayers right now - I am not going to go into it right now because I am so sad and full of questions but just pray. And for those of you that read my blog and don't ever comment - you better start commenting because you're gonna get deleted! That sounds harsh but this is the place where I divulge my most intimate secrets and as much as I love you all, if you aren't a dedicated reader...goodbye!